I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
