is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
