Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Alive.
So much puke
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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