On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize