Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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