I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
