Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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