I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
