I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
