It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
