in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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