My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
