cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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