I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
