So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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