can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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