oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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