We're like a lot better than the average bears
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
