Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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