Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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