i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
