I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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