Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
