when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Send help, water and tortillas.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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