just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
