I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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