I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
