Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
