it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
sarcasm needs its own font
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
