I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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