Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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