the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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