on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
