i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
