And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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