don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
