Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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