I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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