You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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