if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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