are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
