Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize