I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
