At least make sure they are 18
Why
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
