I'm gonna have a badass scar
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
