I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
