now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
