in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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