I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
