Yo dont text me then not text me
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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