is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
