No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
