ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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