In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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