ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
