now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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