He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
