his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
not ubering you a puppy
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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