My first STD was from a foam party
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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