i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
