At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
