He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
