...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
