Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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