Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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