we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
