Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
