her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
