i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
