Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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