She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
