the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
