dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
