She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Oh god it's open bar.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
