so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Randomize
