woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
