Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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