At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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