so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
