Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
