i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
