hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
