Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
