dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
