wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
