i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
