My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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