saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
