If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
