guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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