My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
