Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
