I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
