swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
