Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I will pee on everything he values.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
