she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Help. Why am I so naked?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
