right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
