Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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