I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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