people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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